Tuesday, April 29, 2008
{ 10:10 PM }
ME:
She sits alone, upon the bathroom floor.
She says to herself, this will be…
The last slit on my wrists, this will be…
The last scream I let out, this will be…
The last tear I cry, this will be…
The last suicide attempt I make, this will be…
The last breath I take.Loving You
(this poem is kinda cheesy but let me know what you think...tagggg mee!!)
I Love You
It's true
There
I said it
Can you feel my love flowing from my heart through this pen?
Can you feel my love in my eyes as I gaze at you?
My perfectly imperfect babe
Loving everything about you
How could I possibly tell you?
And have you say it back, with meaning?
Loving your arms around my waist
Loving the way your kisses hit me
Like soft blows of unbearable bliss
The perfect agony
A melting of body and soul
Two souls fused as one
Separate souls as the lips part
Loving the way you tease me
Loving the way you look at me
Loving your laugh
Loving your smile
Loving YOU...
The End..
(A poem for my bf)
its been a year and a month
and were still together(so happy!)
distance isnt nothing
but our love is truly something
i know its just a peck
but it shows as so much more
the feelings he makes me feel
the way he makes me laugh
the things he says
so passionate
it triggers my emotions
you are the one i choose to be with
you are the one i want to love
i want to say so much
but the words come as so little
i want you to know i love you
cuz i know you love me to...
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
{ 11:03 PM }
Dude you're HOT!
These things are getting worse; I’m wasting all my time.
I thought I’d come in first instead I fell behind.
I don’t know if I can keep this up to long.
It seems like every time my motives are all wrong.
But for now I don’t see, what’s so wrong with pretending?
It’s true, I thought you knew. Pssst! mid-year exams are coming soon; I am busy with my studies and preparing for the coming exams. Except for now, I’m blogging this cause I’m bored. I don’t want to waste my time repeating grade 9 anymore. Its sucks! Whatever sangat lahh. Today, nothing much to talk about another “whatever sangat lahh”.
My relationship: umm, nothing to talk about too. Rocks! It’s just sometimes that, I just don’t understand guys and it’s hard to believe them. Maybe I think they’re from mars.LOL!
My life: sucks as always. I am a little stressed up about some things. With my friends. I thought they're my friends, i always tried to make their day but...Haiz..It seems like…
I tried to be perfect, but nothing was worth it. I don’t believe it makes me real and I thought I would be easy but no one believes me. I meant all the words that I said. If you believe, it’s in my soul; I’d say all the words that I know just to see if it would show that I’m trying to let you know… That I’m better off on my own!
Look at me. Who am I supposed to be and what do I believe? Can you tell me, since you made up your mind and know what you believe and I just don’t know who am I supposed to be?.. Look at me. Am I the image of your hopes and tragedies? Just look at me, will I ever be more than just those memories? Will you just look at me?
This is a short poem...enjoy it
If only you could see
how much i truly love you
if only you noticed that i wasnt kidding
maybe you would see what i see
you and me
having a great time together
just laughing and talking
maybe ending up as more than friends
maybe turning to lovers...
but i really doubt it'll happen
you are blind when it comes to affection
you care nothing of others
the only thing you care for is yourself
and your needs
if it doesnt deal with you
then you dont look twice at the situation
i could be dying and you wouldnt care
i could be begging you to help me
and all you will do is laugh at me
and tell me how pathetic i look
just walking away as i slowly fade
becoming deaths perfect image
the perfect example of a broken heart
Labels: You asked what’s wrong. I said nothing’s wrong. But it’s everything.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
{ 12:43 AM }
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So this isn't a poem. But I feel like this is steal poetry in my eyes. My way of expressing myself and my feelings or emotions. So enjoy. =]
I thought I had control. My life, my world held in my ever shaking hands. But it's disappeared and replaced by a black hole thats sucking the life from me. Fate has doomed me to this. To this disease inside. To this painful heartache. The clock's ticking away my life, color fading from my eyes as tears that seem to real roll down my cheeks. Why did it happen this way?
I wish I could have stopped it. Stopped this. Held time still for a matter of seconds because this is breaking me. Killing me inside. How am I suppose to surivive? I feel like I've lost a part of me somewhere in the dark. Where do you go from here? Where do you start when you know the end is near? Because this pain, this pain has never felt so real.
Was this destined? Do I really deserve this? Did I ever?...
How do you stop the fountain of heartache once the flood gate has been opened? How to stop falling when in you're in mid-flight? How? Oh tell me how...
The tears are crashing all around me. My pain in clear view for the world to see. No one knows why, who did this to me. I won't tell. I'll whisper it every so quietly in my heart. Your name sounding from these lips, a curse. The disease is getting worse, breaking me down ever so more. The walls have crumbled into rubbish and I'm bleeding. Bleeding onto the concrete for everyone to see. They ask who did this to me. But I won't answer. I won't tell. All I can do is whisper it ever so quietly in my heart.
I'm losing the battle I've been fighting all my life. I'm ever so slightly dying in front of my family. The pain is to real, and it hurts so much. The end of my story has come. The pen finally fallen from my hands. The echo of my screams, languish striking hard and brutally. A storm inside myself, twisted ever so bitterly and wiping away memories. Memories of what use to be..
My world of light and hope has shrunkened and transformed before my very blind eyes. Pain and darkness is all that is left. The light has been wiped from exsistence. Hope is nowhere to be found inside myself. Where do I go from here? Where do I go when I know this is the end? The very end I've known would come all along..
I wish I could hold time for a matter of seconds, so that maybe things would be different. But I can't change what is meant to be. I can't change this unfortunate fate. I wish I could. I wish could forget and just live. Just breathe in the air I seem to be lacking because I feel like I am suffocating. I wish my heart would beat instead of break with every tick of time, with ill-conceived measure. I wished for so much more..But it will never come. Never...
For this is the end dear loved ones. The end of what use to be. What couldn't be. And what never would be. This is the end of me.
Labels: Will you save me? Or condemn me to this fate?
Monday, April 14, 2008
{ 2:01 AM }
Hey, this is a lyric from eyes set to kill(Only holding on). It is meaningful to me so...ermm, so just read it and enjoy ,alright:)..
Only holding on
is this what you want?
is this what you want?
dreams are falling apart as were only holding on
ambition gets old
when our hearts lie to us
our hearts break our trust as were only holding on
(Chorus)
we gave our everything
we gave our everything
we gave our everything
all for unwanted dreams
we gave our everything
lights dim down
were the stars tonight
their voices bring
slight wind to the sky
their voices sing along
feel their souls lift with ours as they share the night
but you sing a different song
you sing a different song
only holding on
is this what you want?
is this what you want?
dreams are falling apart as were only holding on
to a broken piece
we try to fit as one
our hearts break our trust as were only holding on
(Chorus)...
cant you see my grip is weakening,
erasing every line
and taking down the frames
id look back but im too far away
a ghost to the faces i miss
have a little faith
ill come back home
dont forget my name
when im alone
a ghost to the faces i miss
im a ghost to the faces i miss
Labels: Holding onto the finest thread., I feel alive;I feel undead. Pumping new life through these veins, When we're conjoined at the lips
Saturday, April 12, 2008
{ 12:09 AM }
Similar to my screams of mental pain.
Listening to unfortunate thoughts,
Knowing my work has been in vain.
People mock and stare and laugh.
I sit silenting wishing them death.
I focus on school and studies,
To take my mind off of what's left.
What left of me, the girl, aini?
The happy one, who fit into this world?
What's left of me is the empty shell,
A shell that shall fall into a never-ending hell
Today,haix...I think it's not my day...Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah...That day, my SIM card has been confiscated by my dad again...i did something "stupid"...i know, i'm not a perfect daughter.I know that NO ONE is perfect.But i wll try okay!.Just for them..And to my friends out there,oohh i really miss you all...Ohh and to Eric...My buddy:)..It's okay if you are a gay,you know...i just miss you dude. Remember when we used to hang out after school practicing the guitars?..haha x)..By the way, I still keep the lyric that you wrote for me...Bestie forever no matter how far we are alright...Rock on!
Stuck in a hole,
Cant find the light,
Lost in my mind,
It's hard to fight
The many reasons
to hate my life
Thinking about how much I SUCK!
I can't do anything right
I fail at everything that I do and try
I wish I wasnt here
I wish I didn't exisit
With a bullet that will hopefully take my pain away
And put myself straight into the abyss
People say don't complain
Because they're are people worst then you...
Who said i was complaining?
Im just pointing out the obvious
The obviousis how much I suck
I know they say you should be grateful for what you've got
And I am
And i know some people would love to be in my shoes,
Word of Advice:
THINK BEFORE YOU CHOOSE
Ohh yah, I miss sayang already...I love him a million RED m&ms!!
Labels: cause I feel like a prisoner, trapped inside your broken world
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
{ 12:40 AM }
All heads are bowed in silence
To remember her last sentence
She answered yes know what would happen
Her last words still hanging in the air
Do you believe in god?
Written on the bullet
Say yes to pull the trigger 
I don't know if I'll use this as lyrics or not so...for now, tell me what you think.
This song is called: (The way my heart is!)
Watch me fading in these days,
Lost myself within your gaze,
All my dreams fall to shame,
Lost in light I scream your name,
In these rains of broken glass,
whispers,” some things never last"
However, in this frozen stone,
etched is your name white as bone,
Fall to the abyss,
These rays sear my skin,
Heart burns from within,
Leave me in the snow,
Please, let me go,
I'll caress the frosted ground
that, for me, you left,
I hate that now, of you
I am bereft,
In these rains they always say,
whispers, "Lithium today,"
"I'll show you the only way",
Fall to the numbness,
In these rains I'll say it too
whisper, "I'm still here for you",
The bleeding dark calls me,
What shall I do?
Fall to the anguish.
This world is a cruel place
and we're here only to lose
so before life tears us apart let
death bless me with you...
Labels: Always Be Who You Are. Not Who Someone Want's You To Be.
Friday, April 4, 2008
{ 1:37 AM }
Things i did today:
1.Get up
2.Survive
3.Go to bed..
My whole world is the pain inside me,the best I can do is just get through the day.And when life before is only a memory,I wonder why God let me walk through this place<3...Today,I went to school as per normal, i sat alone in class and not wanting to talk to anyone because i kept thinking about him,I miss him too much and i don't know if he's doing alright. I'm damn worried about him. All i can say is,
i love him so much and always. *kisses on those lips*Every step seems heavier and heavier
The life she had once had
Disappeared
Everything in her mind was distraught
And nothing seemed to change her
The feeling of empty brought her depression
And the depression came nothing to her but loneliness
She feels as if she is a puppet and her strings are her life
Sometimes she wishes she could just fly
Get away from the emptiness of her once called home
One day her strings will break
And she'll fade away...
Dear someone who cares,
right now you are problably asking why i did this to myself
why couldn't just live through life...it was my living hell
you've probably seen my scars and wander why
i seemed so happy sorry.. it was a lie
if my love is reading this letter
i want you to know my love for you couldn't be better.
i know when you look me i the eyes
you see my feelings and know how much i want to die
its wierd how i'm not afraid to tell the world good-bye
if you were to ask me i couldn't tell you why
the sudden calmness intrigues me you might say
the thought of never waking up to another day
its my daydream
my story beneath the seams
once again to my love i have kept my promise of loving you to the end
i want you to know the heart that was once broken you were able to mend
i promise you were the only one
but now i muct say my time here is done
don't worry my love for you has yet to be over
in this field of sorrow you were my four-leaf clover
so to anyone who cares
you'll now have to live your life without me there.
Oh my "goth"! It's Billy Talent and Avril:) ohh by the way, i love Avril. She rocks!Labels: i place my arm over the sink with this razor.I end my life all on that horrible night..
My Lover. My Life. My Shorty. My Wife.
Dude you're HOT!
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Oh my "goth"! It's Billy Talent and Avril:) ohh by the way, i love Avril. She rocks!