Kiss me and you will see stars. Love me and I will give them to you.

Thursday, March 27, 2008 { 12:51 AM }

Just because I'm smiling
doesnt mean happy
Because it takes one smile
to cover up a million tears...

What do you see when you look in my eyes, i tell my self in front of the mirror. I see guilt and a frighten girl. I stare at myself trying to figure out whats goin on inside my mind. All i can think of is why. I know i'm stupid but how could i stop myself, i mean could you? So anyways i carry on looking trying to find why i'm actually in the world what was the whole point?
Its the next day and i'm feeling bad, no not bad, shameful. I look down at my wrist it wasn't a dream. I cover up the damage and look at my face. Its brusied and scratched. How did this happen? What has happened to me?
p.s this is sum 41's song. It called makes no different to me! hope you like the song too:)

We're Out of Time (a song I made)

I curl my hand into a fist
Who knew my life would end up like this?
Tears welling in my eyes…
We’re almost out of time
Door locked and key thrown away
Who expected what you did say?
I asked you to stay…
We're almost out of time

Throw me down
You know that I’m still falling
Lying to myself about what I’ve become
Lying to myself about who you are
Kill me now
You know that I’m still broken
Crying about what I’ve let myself be
The rest is between you and me

Scars up and down my arms
You were the only one who knew…
Let me give my life up to this
{whisper..we’re almost out of time}
Through the pain and the sorrow
I thought that you would always be there
I thought that you would still care
But I was wrong again
Will this pain ever end?

Throw me down
You know that I’m still falling
Lying to myself about what I’ve become
Lying to myself about who you are
Kill me now
You know that I’m still broken
Crying about what I’ve let myself be
The rest is between you and me

You’ve held me
To throw me away
You’ve loved me
To lead me away
You’ve held my hand
To cut my wrist
You’ve kept me
To push me away like THIS
(whisper: we’re out of time…I hope that you know we’re out of time…everything won’t be fine. I open that you know we’re out of}
{scream: TIME!!!)
End of song... I hope you guys out there like it.

Many call it emo??
Nope, it's more to punk,
You don't even know.
Muffled by my headphones,
Unintelligent you may say, but
Songs are my poetry.
In your heart you know it's true, in your
Closet you listen too.
Music is what moves me and you.
Yet denial is what you choose.
Lessons learned, heartbreaks, and more;
It seeps those melodies through my door.
Forever will my music be,
Everything to me...

All this are pictures of abg...Hehe,BADOT!!

my abg...Badot!! as always!

my abg and mom at KL,Cameron Highlands.

Labels: My Music My Life. It's everything to me.

Monday, March 24, 2008 { 11:58 PM }

I went to Batam and this are the pics...

The beautiful sea...

Rock chick and cousin:)

The four of us, posing outside the hotel "ala Bali"...

Me and my cousin on the ferry...

Hee, me and my cousin were trying out guy's jacket...

This is Imran...Cute!

I stand on the rooftop.
I feel the wind on my scarred face.
I know that no one will care if I'm gone.
I am nobody, & I have no one.
I hear the cries below me.....
"Jump already. You are no one. Do us a favor and jump."
I shall answer their calls.
I look down at their faces knowing that they dont care if I die.
I answer their calls and jump.
The wind rushes through me.
I hit the ground with a smile on my face.
I hope this action has made them happy, even though they wont remember me.

okae,this are the pics that i took when i went for the airshow...

errr, my relative...

My mom o__o"

Me and the handsome US pilots!

Me and the handsome S’pore pilot!

omg! It’s F1 (Dubai’s)

Labels: The world is so beautiful...I don't want to waste it...

{ 1:19 AM }

Today, I was damn bored! Monday blues as usual, haiz. Klook klook klookk!
Ummm, last Friday was Good Friday. So i wanna wish all my Christian friends a belated Good Friday, LOL!
Saturday, I followed my mom to Malaysia. She wanted to buy some stuffs.
Alright, first, we went to Larkin, (I hope you knw what I’m talk’n abt, alright.) ha-ha. When I reached there, I purposely asked my mom to enter one of the bakery shops where we always bought some buns there. Hee, because…… the buns are great and also there is this dude who I always noticed that he will looked at me even though when my mom was THERE with me! I don’t knw if my mom noticed it too or if she pretends not to (o, o”). Well this time, him, that dude was at the counter so he can’t “sibuk sibuk”. BUT it was two his friends who are also working there was the one who “sibuk sibuk”… sibuk jek ehk! Well well well. I think it was because I didn’t look back at him (the dude who was at the counter at that time) and thought I was ignoring him, well that’s what I did. I think so. Sorry dude, I just can’t look into guy’s eyes except, if that dude was my sayang. I think that day; I get scold’n from my dumbass POA teacher for NO REASONS because i didn’t looked at him and he thought I was trying to look away, being defiant, haiz… Well my classmates knew what exactly happened. Teachers, especially the dudes! DON’T FCUK UP, ALRIGHT! At least, only one male teacher who knows me that well and that is Mr. Aidil. No no no. Not my sayang... ha-ha!
Mr. Aidil is quite cool. Pantat! I’m so lucky that he was my Chemistry teacher. *puke! Puke! Puke! Luckily, he is not someone yang in-charge Npcc anymore! Pheww, I don’t need to run around like “play’n police and thief’ anymore when I didn’t go for my Np…
Okay, back to when I was at Malaysia….BlahBlahBlahBlahBlahBlahBlah *puke, puke puke*…umm I arrived at SG at around 1 pm. I was damn tired and I miss my sayang too. I love my cuppy cake so much!

lol

Labels: puke

Thursday, March 6, 2008 { 7:53 PM }

Suicide...what a lovely thought, but i'm already dead..
i've been dead since day one.. i don't think i was ever really alive..
huh..strange when you feel you're the walking dead..
hanging around those who feel alive and well..
feeding off their energy,their happiness, their will to live..
thinking and hopeing that if you hang around them long enough enough then you to will become fully alive..
but the pain you feel never really goes away..
nomatter how hard you try... its still there..
possibly the only thing that is alive..
it starts in your soul and slowly creeps throughout your body..
making its way to your legs so you feel like you can't get up, your arms so your feel like you can't reach out to someone you can't feel them there, your heart heart so you can't feel love..
then your mind..
so everything you thought was real is now distorted.

i feel this pain everyday... i cry..i can't sleep..
i can't think, mostly i just wonder why and how my life got this way..
somestimes the truth is, i do think about killings myself, but i know the pain will still be there..
even in death..so i sit here and blog this stupid thing..
knowing that i will wake up tomorrow and i will still be here..
my thoughts will tear me apart and i will spend most of my time convincing my friends that i' fine..
but i'm not fine, cuz as far as i'm concerned...
i'm already dead..

Labels: I pierce my skin to remind me of the painful..sacrifices others have made for me..

{ 7:05 PM }

suicide...what a lovely thought, but i'm already dead...
i've been dead since day one...
i don't think i was ever really alive...
huh...strange when you feel you're the walking dead..
hanging around those who feel alive and well...
feeding off their energy,their happiness, their will to live..
thinking and hopeing that if you hang around them long enough enough then you to will become fully alive...
but the pain you feel never really goes away... nomatter how hard you try... its still there... possibly the only thing that is alive... it starts in your soul and slowly creeps throughout your body... making its way to your legs so you feel like you can't get up, your arms so your feel like you can't reach out to someone you can't feel them there, your heart heart so you can't feel love... then your mind... so everything you thought was real is now distorted. i feel this pain everyday... i cry... i can't sleep... i can't think, mostly i just wonder why and how my life got this way... somestimes the truth is, i do think about killings myself, but i know the pain will still be there... even in death... so i sit here and write this stupid thing... knowing that i will wakw up tomorrow and i will still be here... my thoughts will tear me apart and i will spend most of my time convincing my friends that i' fine... but i'm not fine, cuz as far as i'm concerned... i'm already dead